Can I do it? Yes I can!

Tuesday was to be my day off but I had decided to go to the gym anyway didn’t give it a second thought.  Well on Monday night I didn’t end up getting to bed till 10.08pm and didn’t sleep well so in the middle of the night I asked Martin to change the alarm to 6am.  I was feeling shattered.

After the later start I started feeling guilty.  I was still going for a walk that night though.

We dropped Isaiah off at kindy and went to Mainly Music.  I had a bit of energy to jump around to the songs.  On the way back to the car we went to the mall and looked at Farmers for a decoration for Dayna.  We buy a special one each year for the kids and write their name and that year of them and will eventually have just their chosen decorations on the tree.

Dayna then saw Santa and wanted to see him.  Previous years there was just no way.  So I took this opportunity and went with it.  We were in line waiting for a little boy to have his turn.  Then it was Dayna’s turn she ran up to Santa and got about 20cm from him, screamed and turned and ran crying.  She was shaking and beside herself.  It was a shock as such a change of reaction within 10seconds.  I tried to get her to go up with me to collect her chocolate but she just was so scared.  We got close enough and she did reach for the treat but as soon as she was 1cm from his hand she jumped her hand back.  It is funny in hindsight but also a worry as what has made her so scared.  She refuses to get a photo even with Isaiah.

I picked up Isaiah from kindy and his friend Connor who was having a sleep over.  An hour later dropped Dayna at kindy and picked Martin up from work, he finished early.

The afternoon slipped away and we had tea and I had a meeting to go out to.  I intended to go for my walk but Dayna started playing beauty shop with me so my time dwindled away.  I had 30 minutes before I intended being home.  Got changed and left.  I went for the 4.8km walk which took me 42minutes the other day and did it in 43minutes I think because I had just had dinner so took a bit to get going.

I felt good I had done it as I like the walk now that my muscles don’t scream as much.  And I achieved some form of exercise for the day.

Went to the meeting which was an end of year celebration for our first year of Mainly Music.  There was crackers and cheese, choc cake, scorched almonds, nuts, fruit platter, lemon cake and apparently ice cream.  When we started to eat we were told to try the ice cream as was homemade.  I said no thanks and when it came out everyone was raving at how yummy it was but I stuck to my guns and ate fresh fruit.  So easy to have taken a piece of cake or chocolate but I knew if I did I wouldn’t stop.  And it would break my great dieting skills.

Got home went to bed and here we are getting everyone ready to head out in different directions.  I am off to get a haircut and then go to the gym so the nice styling will be ruined to soon.  oh well.

Well this diet isn’t going to bad now I am used to it and not missing the fats as much.  Now when i say fats I mean things like cheese.

On a standard day I eat for breakfast 40g Light n Tasty with 1/2 cup trim milk.  Morning tea a piece of fruit. Lunch 1/4 cup cooked rice with salt, salad with a little light mayo, 50g chicken or turkey.  Afternoon tea 3 dried apricots and 3 dried prunes (to keep me regular) and maybe 8 almonds.  Dinner steamed veges with herbs or salt and 100g chicken or fish followed by fruit.

Today I was up at 5am and at the gym at 5.30.  I did 20mins on the cross trainer and 40mins on my weights circuit.  Went to coffee group and had water and a banana, while everyone else had Christmas treats, cake and pies. Did the kindy pick up and then drop off.  Decorated a little more for Christmas and then picked up Dayna.  Prep-ed dinner.  and then as soon as Martin walked in the door I left for a 40mins power walk.

I was on the home stretch when I heard keys jingling behind me, it sounded like they were running but never overtook me.  I heard it again so looked over my shoulder and could see someone there but they still didn’t overtake.  Eventually I went to cross the road but a car came round so I paused but my stalker didn’t.  She got across the road and stopped and when I got across she stopped me to chat.  She said i was fast and must have strong legs.  While we were walking I felt like I was now dawdling and yet she was puffing.  I was trying to get back to watch Home and Away so was a little annoyed I had to slow down and therefore pleased when she turned off.

I got home to dinner cooked (thanks Martin) and sat down for dinner with the family.  Well they ate homemade burgers and fries and I ate fish and steamed veges. 

As I hadn’t walked for 1 hour I decided I would go for a 20 minute bike ride.  Martin and I did the dishes.  He then ran the bath while I took off and got home in time to dry the kids and blow dry their hair.  I feel accomplished that I got through my evening workout.  I now get to blob.

The kids have been coming out of bed a lot so we said if they get out then they won’t get their chocolate in the morning.  We have an Advent Calendar each so they love the concept and choc.  Well it worked as they have not come out yahoo.

I am up again at 5am for the gyn so will be in bed at 9.30pm.

ok I am now 83.5kg so I lost 2.1kg this week.  yay yay yay   I started in the high 90’s and am now in the low 80’s.

Our team won the weekly challenge for Fit and Fab.  So we each get 2 tickets to Reading Cinemas gold class lounge.

I have been to the gym already  and feeling good.

The title is a song written for this fair city.  Andis so applicable for the days of this particular weekend.

Last night I headed out for a walk it was 1hour and by the end i was bored of walking.  I got home at 8pm and from when I started and it was hot till the end of the walk you could feel the temp cool down.  I walked 5.88km.

I got up this morning and washed 2 loads of washing.  Dried and washed dishes before heading off to the gym.

I did 20mins on the cycle going up and down in intervals, it was hard but I got through it.  I then went on the cross trainer and got to 10mins and was nearly sick, I was just totally beat.  I was told that my heart rate was too high, which made sense as i could feel my heart beating hard and very fast.  I didn’t want short change myself from cardio so went on a a different cycle and completed my workout.

Jo and I went upstairs to do some weights.  I did half my routine but was not feeling good so decided to take it easy and i had completed over an hour of work.  I also knew I had my walk to do this afternoon.

When I got home we had lunch and then headed to the shops and got a few groceries.  Once home I went for my walk and the family were going to give me a 30min head start and meet me at the park.  I walked for 1 hour and did 5.66km.  I started off slower than yesterday even though exerted myself the same but my tummy still didn’t feel 100%.

While I was walking I have a few goals close to achievement.

1st is getting to the 70’s so 79.9kg/  2nd is getting to 79.7kg which is 10% off my last 10% loss/ 3rd is 20kg lost so 78.4kg / 4th is getting to 78kg as that is what I got to last time I lost weight before I got really sick.  (I still have the lovely clothes I got from then and can’t wait to wear them again.  I am a classic dresser so most will still be fashionable)

We watched the kids play for a bit and have got home, where I want to have a shower, eat tea and blob.  Although some Christmas decorating will happen, just not the tree as haven’t found a live one yet.   I am so tired and have blisters on the sole of my feet due to walking so much.

We didn’t go to the drinks as Dayna wasn’t well in the night so thought it best to play it safe.

Tomorrow is weigh day so lets see if this extra effort is paying off.

Well yesterday I was at the gym and had a cardio session.  20mins on the cycle going up and down in tension in 1 minute blocks.  While I was there my PT came up and asked about my eating plan.  I explained I was on a plan that one of the other PT’s had given me and he was mortified and altered it a bit.  From there I went to the cross trainer.  This is now my 2nd time on this machine and it was no easier than the 1st.  I had to get a staff member to talk to me just so I could get through the last 5mins of my 20min session.  I then went on the rower and stretched to cool down.  I was one drowned rat.

I had a quick shower as had to race off and pick Isaiah andhis friend Connor up from Kindy.  Rebecca has the tummy bug so was not well enough to pick him up.  She powered though the morning routine though with her two kids and our two.

The boys played a while and then we got Dayna and dropped Connor home.

Today was going to be messy as we had 3 places to be at the same time.  Dick Smith had a sale on and had a great discount off the IPod Shuffle which is Martin andmy present to each other for Christmas.  We had found out though that Noel Leeming would match it if we got there first thing like 9am.  I had to be in the city at the gym at 9.30am and it is about 30mins from home and we were supposed to go to Paraparaumu for lunch which is 1 hour from home.

We decided to go to catch up with the family for an early tea and I would drop the family off at the mall at 8.45am and they would do the shopping and catch a bus home.  I would go to the gym.  So we kind of had a plan.  But it was all to go to custard.

Isaiah went to bed with a runny bum but woke in the night as had thrown up.  We sorted him out and then Dayna woke and wanted to sleep in our bed.  At 7.30am I woke up and then one by one everyone else did.  Isaiah was sick a number of times.  We realised we just could not get him to go to the mall the way he was feeling.  We had to shuffle things about and hope it would all work out.

I managed to go to Noel Leeming and bought our presents and head to town, which i arrived at 9.27am so just in time for weigh in.  The crazy thing is that when I was at the mall the entrance closest to DSE had a queue right across the car park.  They had started queuing at 6am.  Luckily i knew the secret of the price matching.

Well we all weighed in and all lost but I only had a small loss which annoyed me no end.  I had been working hard I guess it was the slow start to the week from how I felt last week.  We got on and did a workout and I decided to do the weights circuit today.

To start the circuit we have a 20min cardio workout.  I started on the bike.  It was hard my legs were not co operating.  I got through it but hated every minute.  I went to do my circuit.  I had to remember the machines to use and how to use the computer gadget “Fitlinx”.  I like the computer system as it lets you know if you haven’t followed through properly and counts the reps etc.  I spent some of the time looking for the next machine I am to use.  I completed the session and headed back to the mall in hope that I could buy the speakers from DSE that Martin needed.

I found the speakers and then spent 45mins in a queue to pay.  Luckily a couple behind me were talkative.  30mins in the manager came around with a platter of cookies for those in queue.  I declined.  I ran a few more errands and headed home.

Isaiah was lethargic and Dayna is being naughty.  Isaiah has fallen asleep a number of times but has finally asked for some food.  Dayna’s new ear infection must be affecting her hearing as she keeps saying ‘what’ or just ignoring us, which makes it look like she is more disobedient than she has been today.

I suddenly felt angry at the results I got from the gym.  I was angry because my diet has been changed again because it was not suited to me.  Why could I not have been given the correct suitable plan 4 weeks ago.  Also on Wednesday my fitness plan was made for me and is full of more cardio to help with the weight loss and machines to help me tone better and in the places where it matters.  Why have both these been made to suit me now with only 2 weeks to go?  I feel like I am at a disadvantage as 4 weeks of wrong plans.

Martin has mowed the lawns and I have cleaned the house minus the vacuuming, which will happen after tea.  I am yet to go on a 1 hour walk but want the weather to cool a bit as it is stinking hot.  62% humidity and 21degrees although feels hotter.  Good day to have got all our washing dried.  We have changed the kids beds to summer sheets and our bed to summer duvet so have had lots of winter washing.  The Santa parade was on today so good weather but too hot to have stood by watching it.  We did want to go but Isaiah being sick altered that and all our morning plans as well.

When I go for my walk soon I will post all my Christmas cards and deliver some.

Off to the gym again in the morning and a friend’s birthday drinks in the afternoon, health permitting.

On Monday I was at the gym with one of my team members.  It was nice having company but i felt like I didn’t push as hard as I have in the past.  I don’t know if it was having the company or a hang over feeling from the weekend.

I went to the airport to pick up my brother, Randall who had come from the UK.  He was staying for 3 nights.  When we got home Dayna was so excited and really enjoyed her time with her uncle although called him Auntie Randall.

Tuesday I took the day off instead of Thursday.

Wednesday Randall was catching up with a friend and I went into the gym for a one on one session with our new Personal Trainer, Karl.  He totally changed the routine and gave some hard exercises.  One I was in pain each time I did the repetition.  He was really concerned on my tense shoulders and at one stage tried to massage them.  I was nearly in tears as it really hurt I am that tight.

Today I went to the gym after dropping Randall to the airport.  I went to a spin class.  I was apprehensive as had heard they are hard.  In saying that Anita (my sister) goes weekly if not more.

I wasn’t sure what to expect or what we would be doing or even how long the session would be, I assumed 1 hour but wished 20mins once I started.

We have to pedal and alter the tension to make it harder and then we went into a sprint for 20seconds and then pedal normally but can make the tension higher.  Then a sprint for 40seconds or so and back to normal and then 1min 10sec.  I was sweating. and it was only 10mins in.  From here we have to go to a hill climb where the butt comes up and then into a full standing position while still pedaling.  I got to 20mins and was so close to leaving as was feeling sick.

I continue hoping we were nearly done.  Some of the standing hill climbs I sat prior to the rest as just couldn’t handle it.  In saying that further through the class when I was beyond exhausted I would stand for the whole time.  I was so sweaty my t-shirt was glued to my body.  Finally at 45mins the class was over.  I hated it but plan to be back on Thursday to improve from today.  Can you believe I did a spin class?  There is no way 4weeks ago I would have been able to do this.

I think I secretly loved the class but not while I was there.

Hopefully I sweat-ed enough to make some real changes on the fat %.

So this is the final installment one hopes in this series.

Dayna came into our bed and took over my side.  So I woke feeling tired, and with that sick feeling again.  I had lots on my mind so couldn’t muster the lying in bed option.  I got up at 6am and put some washing on and went to the loo.  I then weighed myself and I have put on weight.  Wow that food yesterday was bad.  This weight gain did not help my mental state.

I was trying to think of every excuse to not go to the gym as I just can NOT be bothered.  I have lost who I am over the last three weeks.  My Duathlon training has gone by the wayside and my 500g -1kg healthy weight loss per week has jumped to big figures (according to the gym scales).  My eating is up the wazoo, eating bland food and dumb times.  I was loosing weight healthily using my points plan and enjoying treats in moderation.  I was eating as a member of a family and not having to make two meals.  I had just had enough.  Not enough to quit completely but just today my mind is saying stuff this.

My brother is here for 3 days from the UK and I haven’t seen him in nearly 3years.  I have juggled my gym schedule to work around flights and things.  I have also planned our meals and I am eating as part of the family like I used to while he is here.  So that should be good for me.

How do I get over the slump I feel I am in so very deeply.  Well I wanted to find ME again so decided to run on the street and see how I get on.  2.8kms I can run.  YAHOO.  I was only doing 1.4km and that was once only.  I nearly cried with joy, it was like the moment I expect to feel when I cross that finish line on January 25.

When I got home I sat on the door step and cried just the whole mixed emotions of the past few days just overcame me.  The reason I entered this competition was to help me with the training for the Duathlon.  Having some one on one training to work on those problem areas and win that trip to Fiji.  Well I was grieving as I don’t see Fiji as an option now, that is so upsetting. 

Our team is not very teamlike at the moment so that support isn’t really happening.  So it is a solo game we are on.  I decied I have to do this for me.  To do that is to help me adapt my life to a healthy one in every way.  I enjoyed doing the old form of exercise and being outside with the fresh air (and drizzly rain as it was today) -physical.  I will eat healthy but with the family-emotional.  Work to suit me and for me and achieve for me -mental.

After my misery session, I got the weights out that were hiding in the garage and started doing the circuit I was taught by the personal trainer using my own weights.  It was great and I felt like I had really achieved a good workout and at home.  I have learnt some great techniques that I will continue with to keep toned. 

I am just going to do a few things with the family today and hopefully that will help me re coop my mental state.  I will be back to the gym tomorrow and working hard, don’t get me wrong I worked hard today.

I still have my noraml weigh in to do tomorrow so hopefully that goes well.

I need to be ready to enter life as it was in three weeks time.  So have to take habits and techniques on board that will help me when this challenge is all over.  I don’t want it to be just a 6week wonder and a lifetime of learning and developing.  My big concern is I have noticed some lovely sculpting happening to my body and that has given me some confidence and pride.  How will I keep those changes when I haven’t got the weights machines to help.

I am even keen to get a swiss ball and heavier weights to help for the future.

Ok I am feeling heaps better now.  Thanks for lending your ear to the cause.

As you can see I have started a series of entries.

So it is finally Saturday and time to sort myself out for the gym.  I didn’t have anything to eat of drink (it was suggested to not have anything, I normally have a glass of water and 1/2 glass OJ) I had made cards for the girls with an inspirational message in it and also had a motivating versed magnet for each of them.  So was finishing to sort that out, pack the bag including clothes for after the gym as have a birthday party to go to.

I got picked up which was a little late so we wouldn’t be there on time for the 9.30am weigh in, but wouldn’t be far behind.  We walked in and were given a dirty look for being late.  Well Carl is tough he pulls no punches and told us how it is.  We took off our sox and shoes and each took our turn on the scales.  Sarie was first now she hasn’t even had a day off in three weeks.  She lost weight but gained fat % (what this comp is counting our losses on is the fat %).  She was annoyed and our team leader was really encouraging her.  I was next and I too lost weight I think 1.6kg (don’t trust me on this)  I had also gained .5%.  I was nearly in tears.  I had worked harder than ever, physically, mentally and eating wise.  I thought what in the world is this about.  I got no support though.

The other 2 girls also lost weight but gained fat.  So Carl asked if we were hydrated or dehydrated.  I said dehydrated and normally hydrated.  One girl had taken a pill to dehydrate her, which she was told off for.  Carl said you have to do the same each week or it is inaccurate.  Well I left disheartened and annoyed beyond words, I couldn’t believe it.  We were told to carry on how we were with the eating plan and exercise.

We then went to do a Fight Do session.  It was great a little like TurboJam except different routine.  I couldn’t see the instructor and unfamiliar with his routine so took a bit to much concentration.  Would be interested to do it again though.

I got dropped at the party and got chatting and was fine until the food came out and I nibbled.  More food came out and the platter was put in front of me and I ate more.  Wedges and sour cream.  I felt yuck afterwards.  Dinner I had McDonald’s.  I thought stuff it being good doesn’t help so why not indulge for one day and then get back on the horse.  It was great.

I went to go to bed but decided to check out the points values to my food for the day, I think it was the guilt rearing it’s head.  I was over my daily points but had points available to use from earlier in the week and exercising.  I went to bed and couldn’t sleep as was hot and my mind was racing.

The title is an expression of how I feel.  I realise I haven’t posted in a few days and that is when the feeling started.

I have been feeling a bit ill each morning in the last few days (pregnancy is not an option).  On Friday I felt ill and down, I needed a good kick up the butt to pull me out of this place.  I was fine partially as knew I had a one on one PT session at 10am.  Anyway as I was super keen to win this breakfast I got up early and did a session of TurboJam.

I would drop the kids off doing the banking and go.  Well just before leaving the house I got a text from Andrew saying he was not available.  I asked for a catch up session and he said he was away for a week.  (Did I tell you he just got selected to represent Wellington in cricket?).  This news crashed me but I keep going physically even if not mentally.

I got to the gym and just didn’t have much in me.  I still did my usual workout and when i got on the treadmill my right ankle was giving me jib.  It has for a few days but this was hurting bad.  At 3mins I was ready to get off, did I, NO.  I pushed through and at 26mins I got off and did the stretches to cool down.  Just before I was to leave I went and asked a staff member if there was anything I could do extra to help the ankle.  He told me some stretches but I already do them.  We got to chatting about our lack of PT sessions due to Andrew’s availability.  Well as it happens it was Carl the Head PT.  So he has decided to take our team over and weigh us and schedule one on ones.

Being Friday we go shopping and buy McDonald’s for tea.  We did the shopping and went to get take aways and boy was I craving a combo.  I think the lack of treat foods is why I am in the slump.  This eating regime is hard and really feels like a diet and I am not enjoying it.  No carbs after  3pm is rough.  Every evening meal on our 4 week menu has a carb at dinner.  Well I abstained and went home and ate salad and chicken.

Went to bed and couldn’t sleep as kept thinking of the weigh in, which is doing my head in.

Ok, so today is supposed to be a “rest day”.  My whole team of Fit and Fab girls are in the gym today doing a Spin class and here I am having a rest and yet I am the one who would benefit most from a Spin class.  I had no babysitter so the timing of the class just wouldn’t work for me.

I did the usual morning things, fold laundry have a shower, make lunches and beds, get everyone dressed and respectable.  Drop Isaiah at Kindy.  I then ran a few errands with Dayna.  I got home and still had two hours before picking up Isaiah.  What to do?  Anyway I decided to take a trip down memory lane and do Turbo Jam.  It took a while to get into it but I sure did and have the sweaty clothes to prove it.

The rest of the day ticked on like normal, with a small exception.  We went to the mall and picked up something on order and decided to treat the kids to an ice cream.  There are two options Mr Whippy upstairs (he is cheaper) or Wendys downstairs.  I really wanted to go to Wendys because I really wanted a Mega Choc Shake.  I am pleased we went upstairs as I don’t have the same draw to their milkshakes.

The whole time I was fighting temptation I was scared of the scales on Saturday and letting the team down.  Especially as I know they would have been sweating real hard burning the calories today.  I am now getting that scared feeling of failing on the scales and looking like a joke.  The thought of loosing the trip or breakfast isn’t really the big thing but being the lowest member is.  Crikey I think I like the solo act better as I am only letting me down and only me is to be embarrassed in private.  This competition the whole world has access to your demise.

The funny thing is I read my sister’s blog and my mental motivation struggles inspired her to keep going and yet yesterday it was her that made me keep going I was in the zone as I referred it.  Well my zone was that one day I will enter a triathlon (not keen on the swim, happy to stick to duathlons) that Anita is in too and we will be running close to each other.  In the zone Anita you were still in front but not by much.  So to you Anita I won’t have any small taste of a treat I was tempted to have so my dream/zone can become a reality.